Parents can help and support their children through strange, difficult or stressful experiences. These could be a natural disaster, moving house, changing schools, losing a pet, or the death of someone they know. Often children who live through particularly distressing events will show a range of symptoms afterward. These may include throwing tantrums, having nightmares, becoming withdrawn or aggressive, clinging to parents, regressing in toileting, or generally misbehaving. Sometimes children who are not directly affected will also feel anxious and act up. They all need help from those closest to them.Use the following as a guide to your helping strategies:

ü  Try not to use overly-dramatic language when talking about problems or tragedies in front of your children, and limit the amount of media coverage they are exposed to. The graphic nature of photos in the press and on television could cause them more anxiety and unnecessary worry.

ü  If your children are exposed to distressing images or words in the media, be there to help them process and understand what is going on and whether it will have an impact on your family.

ü  It is important to give children the opportunity to talk and ask questions about issues of concern, in a caring and loving environment. Don’t dismiss seemingly obvious or strange queries. Listen for a possible hidden anxiety.

ü  Spend as much time as you can with your children to give them a greater sense of security and connectedness. Very young children may regress in their behaviour as they don’t have the verbal skills to express their feelings. Let them know that you are there to keep them safe.

ü  Let your children know how family members and friends, who may be involved in a difficult situation and about whom your children may be concerned, are managing during this time. Talk about others in a reassuring way.

ü  Don’t wait until your child is showing signs of distress, to talk about managing the effect of the issue. Some children will keep their emotions bottled up and the clue to their state of mind may be a change in their behaviour. They may seem very quiet or unusually aggressive, or cling to you more than is normal.

ü  Understand and accept that different children react to loss and anxiety in different ways. Be sensitive to these differences and allow your child to express him/herself in familiar words.

ü  Continue with your family routines as much as possible, to assist in generating a feeling of being safe. Share fun times together.

ü  Let your children know that your family-life will continue, even if your situation or your house has changed, or someone is gone. Give lots of reassuring, positive comments and hugs!

ü  Explain the scenario in terms that your child will understand and give only as much information as he or she really needs at the time. You can give more information later, when the child has absorbed the initial facts.

ü  Be aware of your children’s needs at this time and look for ways to meet those needs quickly and effectively, by listening carefully and observing your children.

ü  Remember that the younger the child, the less the understanding will be of the true situation, and the less able he/she is to talk about feelings and worries. Look for changes in behaviour or health to indicate misunderstanding or stress. Move quickly to clarify and comfort.

ü  Use reflective listening to get a clear understanding of how your child is feeling. Try to put yourself in your child’s shoes, rather than judging his/her behaviour from your perspective.   

Copyright  Janet Powell, The Parenting Coach, 2011 www.mentormaestro.com.au